Our Story
This morning I overheard Lulu telling Dana Jean about when they grow up. She’s very interested in stories about love and romance, and has many books with princesses and princes bringing gifts, talking to the King, asking for the Princess’ hand, etc. I half-listened to Lulu telling Dana Jean about when she gets bigger, and gets a baby in her belly, and her belly will grow and grow. She backed up and started telling her about how someone will “ask for her hand”. I tuned out, assuming she was reciting lines from “The Princess and the Kiss”, one of her favorite stories that includes that line. But a second later, I heard her describing ‘the prince’, and a phrase caught my attention. I heard her say, “he’ll hang up your coat for you”. My heart just about melted. She wasn’t telling Dana Jean how she would meet her husband based on Cinderella and other princess stories, she was telling our story. Me and Sean’s! She’s always been interested in hearing how Mama met Daddy, and how we fell in love, and Sean and I love to tell it. We always include that Daddy and Mama had a class together, and how Daddy always hung up Mama’s coat. I knew he was chivalrous, that he had good manners, from that act of service. How sweet it was, I thought, that Lulu imagines growing up and having a story like her parents, finding a man like her Daddy.
Cousins
Our children have sooo many cousins. Let’s count them all, shall we? Let’s see, there are….twenty two, I believe. Twenty two first cousins. That’s pretty awesome. I love it. And we have a lot of children in our family born around the same time. Lulu and Samuel are about two weeks apart, for example. But there is something very special about Lowrie and Joachim. It was a really incredible thing that Jennifer, my elder by eighteen months, and I got to experience pregnancy at the same time. Then God gave us both boys. And we both went almost two weeks early, putting our little cousins only nine days apart. Jennifer and I dream about what great friends they’ll be; how they’ll spend a week together in the summers and stuff like that. They look about as different as night and day; Lowrie is very, very fair with blue eyes that will likely stay blue where Joachim is dark in skin tone and eye color. A few weekends ago Jennifer and Mike’s church did a “dedication” for the parents who wanted to publicly commit to raising their children in the knowledge and admonition of the Lord, and the baby and I were lucky enough to make the trip down South for the day. It was a great time of visiting and showing our commitment to Jennifer, Mike, and their children, as well as our responsibility and determination to do our part in bringing those boys up in the ways they should go. Here are a few photos from our little shoot with the boys.
10 Things
10 Things you should know about Dana Jean:
1. Instead of “thank you”, she says, “kake-oo”.
2. She falls alseep with astounding speed, but only when she’s in her own room, with her blanket, pillow, and George.
3. She sucks her thumb all the time now.
4. The other day, in frustration, she bit herself. Left a purty serious bruise.
5. Her hair has definite auburn highlights.
6. She’s super spunky. Opinionated. Loud.
7. When eating, it’s best if she wears a shower cap.
8. She loves her baby brother so much. I love how she imitates my words with him. Whenever he whines or cries, from across the room, she’ll stop what she’s doing to say, “oh buddy.”
9. She’s more adventurous than Lulu was, or is. She’ll climb things, put her hands in the air, and say, “ta-dah!”
10. She’s learning things everyday that I never notice. I’m with her twenty four hours a day, and yet, she’ll do something, and I’ll say, “when’d she learn that?!”. With a second child…things happen under your nose that I would have journalled about to all our relatives with Lulu.
Storms
Lulu has recently been quite entertained, and frightened by storms. After one particularly stormy Indiana night, she’s been concerned with even slightest pick up in wind speed. We’re not surprised by this, given her sensitive spirit. A quick story: Today, when Sean went into her bedroom at naptime to inform her that she would hear the garage door, as he was leaving for an errand, she said to him, “Be careful, I’ve been hearing some wind.” Sean assured her that he would, and she helpfully added, “make sure your glasses don’t blow off your face”. Great, thank you. And, “if they do, jump up into the sky and get them.” What a hoot.
Healthy Boy
Update:
Sorry for the delay. Lowrie is well, home after a long, seventeen day hospital stay. He came home on Valentine’s Day, and although he was still dealing with withdrawal from being on sedatives for so long, he’s off all medications now and healing nicely. What a whirlwind. If you’re interested in reading the whole story, please visit our caring bridge site:
www.caringbridge.org/visit/lowriemansell
As of today he’s been home for about six weeks. He’s well, although his respiratory system will probably continue to heal for quite some time. He’s had two little colds since he came home from the hospital; for one we had him re-tested for RSV, which, luckily, was negative. It took a little longer for him to heal from those colds, but overall his little body is healthy, and, growing quite rapidly. He’s eating well, smiling all the time, and entertaining us all. We love him so much, appreciate God’s goodness in the form of this little boy, and I, for one, have a hard time putting him down. When he’s in his crib, or on the floor, or in the swing, I sometimes think about him in that little isolette, with me unable to comfort him, and i can’t help but scoop him up, nuzzle his neck, and say “i love you” over and over again. He’s the joy of our lives, another evidence of God’s faithfulness and goodness where none is deserved.
Might I add that he’s looking more and more like his daddy (and, strangely, his Bitner cousins, mostly James) every day? It’s astounding. Yesterday my sister said, “when he smiles at me, It’s like sean’s right here smiling at me.”
RSV versus Lowrie
Well, I know that there are very few people who read my blog who aren’t also on Facebook, but I thought those very few deserve to be updated on my poor baby’s condition too. Let’s start from the beginning;
When Lowrie was born both girls were sick with a bad cold. It started with all the regular cold symptoms; runny nose, wet cough, etc. After about two days, their colds worsened with a fever and a really really persistent productive cough. When the girls came to see Lowrie in the hospital, we knew they were still sick, and we did our best to keep germs away from my precious new boy. Once we arrived home, the real work began. We tried sectioning off the house; keeping me and Lowrie upstairs and the girls with Sean downstairs. Eventually Sean had to return to work, and we did our best with handwashing and sanitizers and separation. Unfortunately, when Lowrie was eleven days old, I could tell he was getting congested.
The next day in the evening, I called my brother in law, Mike, because I was concerned with Lowrie’s worsening breathing. He just sounded junky in his lungs, and I didn’t know when I should just call the doc, and when I should take a newborn to the ER. Luckily, we had his two week pediatrician’s visit on his thirteenth day, and we decided together that he could make it until then. When we went in, the pediatrican wasn’t thrilled with how Lowrie sounded, but he didn’t have a fever and he had gained a lot of weight (now he was up to 8lbs 7 1/2 oz, just 1/2 oz away from birth weight). She decided to swab him for RSV (which is basically just a bad cold to us adults and even children over two, but to babies it can be very dangerous), and although she said that the test would take fifteen minutes and she would call me at home with the results, it was positive immediately and we got to talk about next steps before I left the office. Basically she told me that he was going to get worse, and that most likely he’d end up in the ER (“within 24 to 36 hours” she said) because of his age. She gave me some symptoms to look for and sent me home, asking me to call with any questions. I got home and debriefed Sean, and we were concerned about what he was doing in his carseat while I was describing symptoms, so we called again. She reassured us, and we decided to wait. That night, he got a fever of 99.7 F, and i called the pediatrician on call, who told me to keep him at home unless his fever hit 100.5F. So…we called the pediatrician’s office in the morning (she had asked me to call so she could see him the next day) and while my mom stayed with the girls, I took Lowrie in. He had lost an ounce (not good), his blood oxygen level was in the eighties (not good), and his breathing sounded decidely worse (really not good). She sat me down and said that she’d like to admit him, and that she’d like him to go by ambulance.
Things got really scary really fast. they hooked him up to a pulse ox meter which measures the oxygen in his blood, and either she (the doc) or the nurse was watching him every second until the ambulance arrived, which was much later than we expected. We waited in the ER attached to our pediatrician’s office, hooked up to all kinds of stuff. Well, when the ambulance arrived, the pediatrician there and the two transport nurses got to work immediately, putting in an IV (ouch!), suctioning his nose, doing a heel stick for one reason or another. Anyway, by the time we got to the hospital, a few hours later, Sean was waiting for us in our room. It was scary being there, and I was really emotional. but despite the cords, I held my baby as much as possible, was able to feed him every once in a while if his breathing was slowed enough, and he was regularly suctioned by the nurses. The docs kept assuring me that this is a nasty nasty virus, and that it was GOING to get worse before better. Not might get worse, it was for sure going to get worse. I stayed with him, pumped my milk and slept in the room with him. He arrived on Friday afternoon, and by Sunday night, his carbon dioxide levels were too high, and he wasn’t able to get the gases out of his system on his own. He needed more help, and they decided to send him to ICU. I lost it.
In ICU, he was assessed quickly, rehooked up to tons of machines, and given a new kind of oxygen, one which forced the moist oxygen into his lungs in an effort to help him get the CO2 out. I’ve never been so scared. I cried and cried and cried. I can’t believe my baby is in the ICU. Later that evening, the doc told us that the new oxygen wasn’t working, and that he’d need to be put on a ventilator. This is when things really got bad, for me. They wouldn’t allow us in the room while they did it. He needs to be sedated so he doesn’t fight the tube. His little body just lays there like a dishrag. With this serious of a condition, they also needed to points of entry for emergency reasons, so they did a central line in his groin. another tube. i’m no longer allowed to hold him. the tears just won’t stop. i can’t stop crying. i can’t stop the horrible thoughts from coming into my head. i cry and cry and we try to talk to little buddy and let him know that we’re here and we love him. we stroke his head and hold his only tube-free hand. Again, they assure us that things will get worse. Decidely. I don’t believe them, really.
Today is Tuesday, Lowrie has been intubated for about 36 hours. The docs tell us that most babies who go on a ventilator stay on for about a week to two weeks. TWO WEEKS, here, watching and waiting, not holding my child, not cuddling him or nursing him or feeling his baby skin. We’re hoping to peak soon, that he’ll hit the worst of it. Right now he’s allowed to drink my breast milk through a feeding tube, he’s on some very powerful and scary sedatives, a diuretic, breathing treatments, a drug that breaks down the mucus in his lungs, and i can’t remember what else. I can’t stand all this waiting. I’m not handling it well, to be very honest. I know that this disease just needs to run it’s course, and that takes time. But i’m tired of waiting. These few days have seemed like weeks, and we’re not even through half of it. I keep asking to be reminded that babies with RSV get well, right? Babies leave the PICU, right? Babies come off the ventilator, right? He’s going to be fine, right? He’s going to come home, right? He’s going to get fat, like all my babies do, right? He’s going to grow into a man, right?
We’re doing a lot of praying, and so are thousands of people, all for my little eight pound boy. We’re humbled. We’re just waiting. Waiting and waiting and waiting.
Ephesians 4:29
As you may have read, we’re memorizing our way through the “Entrusted with a Child’s Heart” CD, and i have an adorable story to share about it. Ephesians 4:29 says, “Let no unwholesome word proceed from your mouth, but only such a word as is good, for edification, according to the needs of the moment, so that it may give grace to those who hear.” The other night, I heard lulu singing it under her breath, so i asked her what she was singing, and she said, “the proceed from your mouth one”. I said, “Oh, Ephesians 4:29?” and then i started singing it. When I got to the end, she said, “No mama, that’s not how it goes, it goes: so DADDY may give grace to those who hear.” Good to know! She loves her daddy.
Preschool-Round Two
Well, since you last heard, Lulu was out of her preschool; just not a good fit and she didn’t seem to enjoy it. Well, last week I got a call from a preschool that Lulu was on the waiting list for, called Discovery Days, which is in the building of the church I grew up in. They’ve been around for about twenty five years, and many of the teachers are veterans of about that long, and members at my home church, Chapel Rock. I’ve known these women all my life. So…we visited, and it turns out that Lulu would be in Mrs. Paula’s class. Mrs. Paula is teaching for the 21st year this year, with the two year olds. I feel very comfortable with her, and even better, i like the program. There is plenty of free choice time, which i think it key for this age group, and the real learning that kids (and my Lulu) want and need at this age. They have two times during the half day to use their gross motor skills, which is something that I’ve been trying to find opportunities for Lulu to do. It’s a half day, as I said, so she eats lunch and then comes home. And since it’s at my parents church (which, admittedly, is a hike for us), my parents are being very generous and offered to take her and pick her up. what better deal could i ask for? Lulu enjoyed it when we went visiting, especially because Mimi was there, so we decided to give it a go. One day a week, five hours. I can do this. I feel much more comfortable than i did last time, for a lot of reasons. I think Lulu is in extremely good hands. It’s not a NAEYC accredited center, but better, it’s a place where I feel like these people really care about kids and take the time to make a nice experience for them. So…off she went this morning. Mimi drove all the way up here in a blizzard to pick her up (with a new dress, of course), took her to her class, and said goodbye with promises to take her to ice cream afterwards. Then she’ll nap at Mimi and Pepa’s house, too! What a treat for everyone! We’ll see how it all goes, but i’m extremely hopeful, and much more excited than i was last time.
So far today, I’ve eaten a leisurely bowl of oatmeal, watched a little of the today show, did a few loads of laundry, and took a bath with my baby girl, soon to be middle child. It really helps that its snowing, and supposed to snow all day, meaning i’m homebound, and unable to do all the errands that I would feel were necessary if i were able to get out. I double checked that my hospital bag is packed, and now i’m thinking about heading down to the basement next, to do a little crafting! Imagine that!
Waiting
So…i’m technically 37 weeks today. I went to the doc yesterday and he, again, said i was measuring big, etc etc, so he and I are hoping that the baby comes early. Like any minute. Right now I’m up an hour early because i woke up and lists started going through my head. You know…what to pack in my hospital bag, what things need to get done before i have another kid…stuff like that. But i really really needed to record, for posterity, what Sean said yesterday about this whole situation.
I was worrying (surprise!) about how this is all going to go down, and wondering about this kid inside me, and telling Sean that the ultrasound showed that not only is the kid itself large, but the ultrasound tech and the radiologist both commented on it’s large HEAD. Since I have two girls, who were born with delicate features and relatively normal size, I’m imagining this large, huge headed BOY that i can’t possibly bond with. I mean, he’s got these paws for hands and feet and a giant nose. What’s cute about that? (This is what pregnant people do, imagine things and worry. None of it is necessary.) So, I’m whining about how I’m not going to think the baby is cute and “poor little boy” that his mama won’t even love him. And sean said, “Remember when you were pregnant with Dana Jean and you didn’t think you could love her because it wasn’t Lulu? And remember when you were pregnant with Lulu and you didn’t think you could love her because she wasn’t the cat?”
That made me laugh. And Sean has a knack for that, making me laugh. So…the worrying stopped…for the moment.
Product Recommendation
Long ago, back in September, I went to a women’s conference called True Woman ’10. It was a great time, really challenging and encouraging and just true. I went a little crazy in the exhibit hall with all the wonderful Christian vendors and publishers and stuff. One of the things I got was a CD for the girls for Christmas called “Entrusted with a Child’s Heart”. I listened to a little sample there at the conference and really liked it, so I bought it, but I was anxious to give it to them for Christmas so I could get the full listen. It’s just Scripture, no other words, just the verses and the references, set to music. There are two singers; male and female, but the male does most of the songs, and there is one song that has some children singing. Other than that one song, they are songs set to music that I would totally listen to. Once I had listened to it a few times, I thought, “this guy reminds me of Jack Johnson”. It’s about 42 minutes long, and there are a great range of verses. Some of them you would expect on a CD for kids, like Phillipians 2:14, “Do everything without complaining or disputing.” But there are a lot of good verses on there which you wouldn’t expect, which I am excited to ‘hide in my heart’ once and for all, like 1 Samuel 12:23, “As for me, far be it from me that I should sin against the LORD by failing to pray for you. And I will teach you the way that is good and right.” and Psalm 127:1, “Unless the LORD builds the house, the builders labor in vain. Unless the LORD watches over the city, the guards stand watch in vain.” and Hebrews 12:11, “Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us.” This is what the front of the CD looks like, and they have a few copies on Amazon, although I’m sure that you could find it on the publisher’s website, too. Or by searching the authors, which are Josh Caterer and Betsy Corning.
Adventures of "SuperMom" 